I know this blog is full of details about the process but I hope it gives you an idea of what's been going on the past 18 months. We wish the journey was easier, but you know what they say...
Let me tell you a little about Orenburg. It is southeast of Moscow and just about on the border of the northwest part of Kazahkstan on the Ural River. Population about 500,000. It is in southern Siberia so it is VERY cold right now with quite a bit of snow. Watching the weather it has been snowing or raining quite a bit this past month so it's icy. The time in Orenburg is 10 hours ahead of us here on the east coast. We will fly into Orenburg Monday night and stay at the Orenburg Hotel for 3 nights where all preadoptive parents stay. We've been told there is an orphanage in Orenburg and 3 (I think) in Orsk which is east and about a 3 hour drive. In Orsk the orphanages are divided by age and there is a good chance the children we will meet are there. Some families know ahead where there referrals are, some do not. So we try to prepare for the daily 3 hour drive. Orsk is where Orenburg used to be until 1743 and these cities are industrial.
If we accept these referrals we will return in about a month for the final adoption, barring any delays. At that time we would stay with a Russian family in Orenburg while we process paperwork and go to court. Then we would return to Moscow and process more paperwork like the childrens visas and passports and have them checked out by a doctor at the embassy before coming home. We hope at that time to get some sightseeing in.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
The Referral!
Arriving home from work on January 10th I pulled up my e-mail and there was a message from our SW (social worker) telling us there was a referral in the Orenburg region! Attached were pictures of a girl about to turn 3 and a boy who just turned 7 months. It was too late to call her so I just kept looking at the pictures and and reading the e-mail. This was going to be a long night! I called Kim and Dave who thankfully were here in minutes.
When we filled out our original paperwork (called a dossier and includes everything there is to know about you) we asked for 2 children, a boy and a girl, under 36 months at the time of adoption. We stated we preferred them to be a year apart but were flexible if we got a referral we thought was right for us. This little girl in the picture was just adorable but I was concerned about her age. She would be 3 1/2 by the time this was finished. When you're looking at a picture and seeing her face all night, it's not easy to think rationally. His picture was quite a few months old and his birthdate and last name did not match the information given in the referral. We thought there was an error somewhere so I sent off our concerns and waited.
When I got to talk to our social worker at 9:30 the next morning everything had changed! The baby boy's picture we had was not him and the little girl was no longer available for adoption. What a rollercoaster of emotions we go through during this waiting stage. She then sent me the correct picture of the little boy and told me about a baby girl who was available. The picure of him was tiny and clearly taken soon after he was born so it's impossible to know what he looks like now. There isn't a picture available of her but here's the shocker...they are 25 days apart! Twins?! They were both born in April 2006. So much for all the books I've read on toddler adoption!
This referral is considered a blind referral since there isn't any information regarding health, background or updated pictures. You make a decision to accept or not and if you do you travel to the region and meet them. These babies are so young they are just coming off the registry which means becoming available for international adoption. The week they come off is the week you travel to meet them we're told, so we take another leap and say yes.
The paperwork chase begins again. Every region is different and since our original paperwork is now a year old, it's all expiring. We can't have that! The attention to detail we need to have with each document is really time consuming. We also have to rely on our local SW, friends, doctors and local state and governmental offices to process the paperwork we need before we can send it back to our agency where they go over it and then send it to Russia. During this time new requests for new paperwork come in. You don't want to make a mistake. We are also getting information back from families who have been to Orenburg thanks to a list-serve of adoptive families. We are getting travel info, researching hotels in Moscow and of course flights. I don't know what we'd do without the internet. Did you know Moscow was the most expensive city?! Do you know what a VAT tax is? And we thought it was expensive to stay in NYC!
Delta offers an adoption rate but it's double the cost of the regular rate?!!
Families are required to make their own travel arrangements to get to Moscow where we will meet our coordinators and any other families that have gotten referrals in Orenburg. Once we are all together we drive to the domestic airport (about a 2 hour drive) and then fly to Orenburg which also takes about 2 hours. These arrangements are made by the coordinators.
By the time we get to Orenburg it will be after midnight. Dave and I decided to go a day early, stay in Moscow for a night and then meet everyone the next day who is flying in. We're hoping it alleviates some jet lag and starts to get us accustomed to the time change. If not, we would arrive at 11:00am and not fly out until 8:00pm (3:00am and 12:00pm EST). Up and traveling for over 36 hours-I'm not sure we would survive the time in between flights and be able to get up the next day!
The fact that we are told we can book this trip means it's going to happen. Finally, we're one step closer to what we've been waiting for.
When we filled out our original paperwork (called a dossier and includes everything there is to know about you) we asked for 2 children, a boy and a girl, under 36 months at the time of adoption. We stated we preferred them to be a year apart but were flexible if we got a referral we thought was right for us. This little girl in the picture was just adorable but I was concerned about her age. She would be 3 1/2 by the time this was finished. When you're looking at a picture and seeing her face all night, it's not easy to think rationally. His picture was quite a few months old and his birthdate and last name did not match the information given in the referral. We thought there was an error somewhere so I sent off our concerns and waited.
When I got to talk to our social worker at 9:30 the next morning everything had changed! The baby boy's picture we had was not him and the little girl was no longer available for adoption. What a rollercoaster of emotions we go through during this waiting stage. She then sent me the correct picture of the little boy and told me about a baby girl who was available. The picure of him was tiny and clearly taken soon after he was born so it's impossible to know what he looks like now. There isn't a picture available of her but here's the shocker...they are 25 days apart! Twins?! They were both born in April 2006. So much for all the books I've read on toddler adoption!
This referral is considered a blind referral since there isn't any information regarding health, background or updated pictures. You make a decision to accept or not and if you do you travel to the region and meet them. These babies are so young they are just coming off the registry which means becoming available for international adoption. The week they come off is the week you travel to meet them we're told, so we take another leap and say yes.
The paperwork chase begins again. Every region is different and since our original paperwork is now a year old, it's all expiring. We can't have that! The attention to detail we need to have with each document is really time consuming. We also have to rely on our local SW, friends, doctors and local state and governmental offices to process the paperwork we need before we can send it back to our agency where they go over it and then send it to Russia. During this time new requests for new paperwork come in. You don't want to make a mistake. We are also getting information back from families who have been to Orenburg thanks to a list-serve of adoptive families. We are getting travel info, researching hotels in Moscow and of course flights. I don't know what we'd do without the internet. Did you know Moscow was the most expensive city?! Do you know what a VAT tax is? And we thought it was expensive to stay in NYC!
Delta offers an adoption rate but it's double the cost of the regular rate?!!
Families are required to make their own travel arrangements to get to Moscow where we will meet our coordinators and any other families that have gotten referrals in Orenburg. Once we are all together we drive to the domestic airport (about a 2 hour drive) and then fly to Orenburg which also takes about 2 hours. These arrangements are made by the coordinators.
By the time we get to Orenburg it will be after midnight. Dave and I decided to go a day early, stay in Moscow for a night and then meet everyone the next day who is flying in. We're hoping it alleviates some jet lag and starts to get us accustomed to the time change. If not, we would arrive at 11:00am and not fly out until 8:00pm (3:00am and 12:00pm EST). Up and traveling for over 36 hours-I'm not sure we would survive the time in between flights and be able to get up the next day!
The fact that we are told we can book this trip means it's going to happen. Finally, we're one step closer to what we've been waiting for.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Our support
This post is for our wonderful family and friends who have supported us throughout this journey. Thank you! It's not even close to being over so you're still on the ride with us-we need you! We cannot wait for our children to come home to this loving family-we are blessed.
To the people we've met along the way and have helped us make decisions, especially my FRUA, EEAC and ODS friends-thank you-you're experience and guidance is invaluable. Please keep it coming. We also hope to help others with what we've learned.
Let me say to the people just starting their adoption journey-get a support system! It is the most important thing to do. You may not know anyone who has adopted up until now but the people you'll meet know what it's like and will help you. Join a support group or two. Even if you do know people who have adopted because no one knows it all and everyone has a story. You may not ever meet in person but they will be the people you rely upon for support and advice. They have been there. I found having people around me who are just adoption support are key so you can just discuss the important stuff like agencies, IA doctors, waiting, preparation, expectations, where to find specific adoption related items, etc. Then the referral, evaluatons, travel, specialists and support once you're all home. They will offer advice and you will know which advice will work for you. Follow your gut-if you're not sure about something you're hearing, you're probably right. Question everything! There are some negative stories out there but there are many more positive. If there wasn't, would we all be adopting?!
To the people we've met along the way and have helped us make decisions, especially my FRUA, EEAC and ODS friends-thank you-you're experience and guidance is invaluable. Please keep it coming. We also hope to help others with what we've learned.
Let me say to the people just starting their adoption journey-get a support system! It is the most important thing to do. You may not know anyone who has adopted up until now but the people you'll meet know what it's like and will help you. Join a support group or two. Even if you do know people who have adopted because no one knows it all and everyone has a story. You may not ever meet in person but they will be the people you rely upon for support and advice. They have been there. I found having people around me who are just adoption support are key so you can just discuss the important stuff like agencies, IA doctors, waiting, preparation, expectations, where to find specific adoption related items, etc. Then the referral, evaluatons, travel, specialists and support once you're all home. They will offer advice and you will know which advice will work for you. Follow your gut-if you're not sure about something you're hearing, you're probably right. Question everything! There are some negative stories out there but there are many more positive. If there wasn't, would we all be adopting?!
What have we been doing? The process...
Fast forward to 2007-I am going to catch you up on the past few months.
As many of you know there have been many changes in the world of adoption, not only in Russia but other countries as well. During the time these changes are being made, sometimes waiting parents have to wait even longer while the details are worked out and the paperwork is processed. This can be an excruciating time. I’ve heard from the beginning “let go now, you will have no control over this process, just go with the flow”. You don’t really know what that means until you want what you want and you can’t get it! When you’re told to fill out paperwork and go get documents, you do it and you do it fast. Then you wait.
As I mentioned in a previous post, you want to work with an agency that is accredited. This is like being licensed and lasts for 1 year. So when our agency was due to be reaccredited in May 2006 we were not concerned. They had always been reaccredited quickly, why would this year be any different? Well, it was. Around that time Russia was making changes and going forward any agency has to be registered as an NGO-Non Governmental Organization before they can be accredited. Since the NGO process wasn't completely in place yet, this was not a quick task. In the meantime agencies and waiting parents are anxious and kind of in the dark as to when this is going to happen. Summer was going by and although adoptions were happening, not as many as we would hope. In August the first group of agencies were registered (yeah, that's us!) and now we wait to be reaccredited.
For some wonderful reason referrals came in a flurry early October and we moved up quite a bit. This is great news but we are all still anxious about the accreditation status. Many regions (areas-like NE) won't work with an agency that isn't accredited.
Did I mention waiting is tough?
On a Monday in November we got a surprise call from our social worker with a referral! We were about #4 on the list as of Friday so getting the call was not expected. Since we were open to a "blind referral" meaning not much information given about the children at the time of referral we were asked if we would accept the invitation to come to a certain region and meet 2 children. Of course! What can we tell from a tiny old picture anyway, right?! This whole process has been a leap of faith so what's one more?
We accepted, we rushed around to get our paperwork in order, we researched the region, talked to people and started to pack. When the following Monday came and we still could not confirm our flights, I knew something wasn't right but held out hope.
We lost the referral that day, the region decided not to work with an agency that was not accredited. As the days went on and no new referrals came but the holidays did, it got hard. We knew this could happen but of course you hope it won't. We knew referrals would slow down again and Russians celebrate a longer holiday than we do so there wouldn't be any movement for awhile, at least until mid-January.
PS-anyone who knows my husband will not be surprised by his "practice" post below :)
I'm quite sure when we're done with our addition it will feel like we did just that.
As many of you know there have been many changes in the world of adoption, not only in Russia but other countries as well. During the time these changes are being made, sometimes waiting parents have to wait even longer while the details are worked out and the paperwork is processed. This can be an excruciating time. I’ve heard from the beginning “let go now, you will have no control over this process, just go with the flow”. You don’t really know what that means until you want what you want and you can’t get it! When you’re told to fill out paperwork and go get documents, you do it and you do it fast. Then you wait.
As I mentioned in a previous post, you want to work with an agency that is accredited. This is like being licensed and lasts for 1 year. So when our agency was due to be reaccredited in May 2006 we were not concerned. They had always been reaccredited quickly, why would this year be any different? Well, it was. Around that time Russia was making changes and going forward any agency has to be registered as an NGO-Non Governmental Organization before they can be accredited. Since the NGO process wasn't completely in place yet, this was not a quick task. In the meantime agencies and waiting parents are anxious and kind of in the dark as to when this is going to happen. Summer was going by and although adoptions were happening, not as many as we would hope. In August the first group of agencies were registered (yeah, that's us!) and now we wait to be reaccredited.
For some wonderful reason referrals came in a flurry early October and we moved up quite a bit. This is great news but we are all still anxious about the accreditation status. Many regions (areas-like NE) won't work with an agency that isn't accredited.
Did I mention waiting is tough?
On a Monday in November we got a surprise call from our social worker with a referral! We were about #4 on the list as of Friday so getting the call was not expected. Since we were open to a "blind referral" meaning not much information given about the children at the time of referral we were asked if we would accept the invitation to come to a certain region and meet 2 children. Of course! What can we tell from a tiny old picture anyway, right?! This whole process has been a leap of faith so what's one more?
We accepted, we rushed around to get our paperwork in order, we researched the region, talked to people and started to pack. When the following Monday came and we still could not confirm our flights, I knew something wasn't right but held out hope.
We lost the referral that day, the region decided not to work with an agency that was not accredited. As the days went on and no new referrals came but the holidays did, it got hard. We knew this could happen but of course you hope it won't. We knew referrals would slow down again and Russians celebrate a longer holiday than we do so there wouldn't be any movement for awhile, at least until mid-January.
PS-anyone who knows my husband will not be surprised by his "practice" post below :)
I'm quite sure when we're done with our addition it will feel like we did just that.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Our House Addition
This our first entry to our blog. This is what our addition is going to look like. We started digging the lake. It should be done by Spring.
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