Emotions in motion

After another sleepless night we meet for breakfast at 7:00 and again no one eats. I can't even sit so we all head down to the lobby early to wait for the team arriving at 8:00. Of all days for them to be late, they arrive at 8:15 and I tell our translator our news. I am sick over this but have to remember what we've been told. You do what's right for your family, you cannot save every child (a comment I've always shuddered at) and just because you do not adopt him doesn't mean someone else won't. Even as I type it, I'm not consoled.
We all get into the cars again (Dave & I chose another car today in hopes of some comfort) and we ride with our translator. She tries to comfort us by telling us it is OK, we have to do what is right for our family and they understand this. She will contact our coordinator who will contact the Ministry when they open and find out about another child for us. They can make no promises but I am prepared to stay until our child is found. We are supposed to leave in the morning. I feel a little better, but not much. We knew this could happen but could never have prepared for it. More pins and needles on the bumpy 3 hour ride where exhaustion is setting in with the sadness. We remind ourselves that we have beautiful Faina so no matter what this trip is worth it. Andrei calls and they have located another child in the same orphanage. We will meet him when we arrive but must make a decision quickly so the paperwork can be brought back and filed! No other info given.
I don't know how much more I can take! With a physical pregnancy you have a pretty good idea of when that baby is coming. Not "somewhere between 7-14 months". And you know that after the baby is born, he/she is coming home with you. You know everything about the pregnancy, the birth and everyday after the birth. Your pain also subsides once the birth is over. This is not for the weak and you truly find out how strong you are. You also find out how strong you and your husband are together.

We arrive at the orphanage (pictured above) around 11:15 after what else? A flat tire in the hills of Siberia and it just so happens there is a tire shack near the place we ate at yesterday. Much needed luck? Don't know but the 20 minutes was "made up on the road". We are supposed to share a large play room with the other adoptive parents so we can all be together and take pictures but Dave and I decide to go it alone again not only because we are meeting a new little guy but we have some evaluations to do for our doctor and not much time. We are told we must leave by 12:30 to get back to Orenburg for our 3:30 appointment with the notary. 1 hour to do all this and we really just want to sit and play with them. Faina recognizes us but still not much of a reaction. Today she is dressed in a 2 piece flourescent green knitted outfit with booties. I wonder how many women knit clothes for all of these children. We play on the floor and again we are unprepared when they bring Sergei in the room and we don't have our camera ready. I don't think we really needed it though because we will NEVER forget the ear to ear smile he was wearing that took up his whole face! He is a peanut but a very happy one. Dave is smiling almost as much and takes him from the caretaker. He cannot sit up by himself but his arms are strong and he is active, rolling over and constantly moving. I can see I don't have to make a decision-Dave already has and we have a son. Everyone's prayers have worked and I start to breathe again.

We measure both babies, play with them and take notes as the director gives us Sergei's information. In the orphanage, and it seems this area of Russia, most boys are named Sergei, Andrei or Ilya. Yes, he is also a survivor and clearly ready to move on from here! I finally get Faina to make a couple of facial expressions, one is a smile and I am on cloud 9. Here in a small orphanage room in southern Siberia we are becoming a family. I do not want to leave but it's time. Here comes another emotion I am not ready to face but I can see the light at the end of this long tunnel.